I have decided to listen to all the naysayers and drop my support of the FairTax. Instead, I have come up with and will be pushing my own tax plan. My tax plan along with all the amendments and additions will consist of over 71,000 pages and 10,000,000 words. It will be so complex that the average American will have to spend 57 hours every year and hire special help to fill out their tax return at a total average compliance cost of between $300,000,000,000 and $500,000,000,000 annually. It will be so complex that even those who enforce it, when asked for clarification, will give the wrong answers 70% of the time.
To enforce my tax code, I will create a tyrannical organization that will have the right to siphon money directly out of personal bank accounts and I will assume all tax payers are guilty until proven innocent, bestowing the burden of proof on the individual and not me. I will create a culture of class envy and warfare where every class will feel alienated. I will allow the poor to hate the rich for not paying their fair share despite all the evidence to the contrary. I will allow the rich to hate the poor for not paying anything even though I will make them pay a highly regressive payroll tax and I will squeeze the middle class until there is none left.
Furthermore, I will make my tax code available to the highest bidder. Anyone with enough money will be able to lobby me for special tax breaks, and subsidies will be sold to anyone who can afford it. I will pick winners and losers based on who gives me more money and I will dictate behavior by rewarding and punishing as I see fit.
I will reward illegal activity and only tax those who work legally. I will also increase the tax on corporations to the point where they can no longer produce in my country and force them to move overseas. I will not only tax corporations income in my country but I will tax their income anywhere else in the world and I will not allow them to bring money in from overseas and invest in my country without a hefty repatriation tax. To top it all off, I will demonize the corporations for leaving due to my tax plan, even while I continue to subsidize them, sell them deductions and eventually bail them out with debt & tax payer dollars.
And I will do all this in the background. I will automatically deduct my taxes from everyone’s paycheck without them being able to stop me. I will change how much I take out with every loophole & exemption that I sell. By controlling everyone’s money I will be the most powerful person in the world.
This is my Brave New World. Will any of you join me?
Extremely witty, Max (as usual). I just had to share it with the outside world. Thanks!